The Importance and Magic of Safety
Door Marc Steinberg | 3 July 2018
Today, I want to bring to our awareness and emphasize the importance and magic of safety, and why it is such a key factor in everyone’s journey towards themselves. Irrespective of whether you are a woman or a man, more feminine or masculine, younger or more matured, poor or rich, our lives and developments are governed by our inbuilt instinct of survival.
I believe we all agree that physical survival and consequentially physical safety is a no-brainer. We in most parts of the Western world are super privileged to enjoy physical safety. Yes, I know there ain’t a guarantee for nothin’ in this universe, but you know what I mean.
Fear keeps us from opening up
I am pointing at psychological and emotional safety. Fear is a reactive energy caused by a lack of that kind of safety. Women know it when they can fully trust their man, their world is in order. But we men manage so often to destroy this trust, and with that, our woman goes (back) into fear. From that tragic moment on, intimacy isn’t that what is was before. The betrayed partner can’t open up fully anymore and most of the time, that’s the beginning of the decay of the relationship. For men, it is the same, by the way. Men just have a better denial power.
For personal development and expansion, the experience of safety is key too. Only to the degree one can trust the teacher, one can open up to what the teacher has to give. Opening up is maybe the most challenging process in everyone’s journey. It is our own vulnerability that we feel we can’t handle. When we are vulnerable, we feel less in control, and that scares the living daylights out of the mind.
Dare to be vulnerable
However, unless we dare to become vulnerable – and I mean really and fully vulnerable – we won’t grow and expand beyond the borders of our own self-control. Yes, one can expand the borders, but no one cannot go beyond them with the remote control in the hand.
Opening up is only possible in an energy of complete safety. If you want your boss to trust you, you need to open up; your own closeness, your armor, your mask, your show is in the way. If you want your spouse, your lover, your partner to open up, you need to be open yourself.
Become fully available
Vulnerability isn’t dwelling in self-pity or playing victim games. It requires all the courage in the world to open up and hand oneself over to one’s vulnerability. Only then, we become fully available. Only when we are fully available, others can trust us. The basic instinct of survival is on guard in everyone’s brain 24/7. This instinct senses another’s non-availability and therefore can’t trust, even if we would want to. What I am saying is, when you can’t fully trust someone, it is your instinct not allowing you to trust because it smells that the other isn’t available and therefore suspicious.
Imagine a world in which all of us have learned that it is safe to be completely vulnerable and consequentially available; and no instinct is alarmed and creates distance. You could wake up relaxed, you could live the day relaxed and you could experience the blissful essence of being a human being.
Inspire others by showing the way
We may be far away from that utopia, but nevertheless, you can contribute to that possibility by your own openness, courage to be vulnerable and being an extraordinary exception in an ocean of pretense, inspiring others to dare as well by your very presence.
The amazing thing is that you don’t need to do openness, you just need to be open, doing nothing. Life will run through you unhindered and will create the path for you. Things will fall into place by themselves and you experience the miracle of life taking care of your journey.
Acknowledge everything as it is
Vulnerability is simply the act of acknowledging your state – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually – every moment, without attempting to change it. No pretense whatsoever. You are like a book without a lock and everyone is welcome to read it if one cares. The wonderful thing is that this book is alive and changes by itself all the time. You yourself will be amazed by yourself beyond all expectations. And it never ever will be boring again to be you.
With love, Marc