What self-worth really is
Door Violetta Pleshakova | 28 February 2018
Please meet Mary.
Mary is unhappy with her life, so she goes on a self-development journey. She reads heaps of self-help books, attends seminars, hires coaches. At some point, one of these activities brings her to what she deems to be the root cause of her struggles: lack of self-worth.
So off she goes with all sorts of exercises, practices, and tricks, in desperate hope of finally start feeling worthy.
To no avail.
Instead of feeling better, Mary starts feeling only worse about herself. She starts wondering:
“What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just get it? Why is this turning into another thing on my list that I don’t have?”
Focusing on chasing the elusive concept doesn’t get Mary any closer to the coveted sense of true self-worth, but only reinforces her inner state of lack. Instead of relaxing into who she already is, Mary is very busy with desperate attempts to fix herself.
Eventually, Mary arrives at her moment of truth: she realizes that self-worth is not a thing – it is a given.
Self-worth is not a thing – it is a given.
Self-worth is your birth right.
It is not quantifiable. Nothing you say or do changes the fact that you are a human being who IS worthy of happiness, love, joy, fulfillment, abundance, success – just because you exist. Nothing to prove. No points to earn. No punishment hanging over your head. You can relax, just be, and do your thing, to the best of your ability, in alignment with your values and integrity.
Self-worth is a state of being.
It cannot be objectified. And it is not a parameter to increase, or an item to tick off your self-development list. It is also not a destination or a thing. You can unhook from false ideas of having to prove your worth, charge your worth, and measure it in any way. Because it is so limitless, so boundless, so inherent to the very fact of your existence, that no thing in this world can ever capture or reflect its infinite scope.
You have unconditional, unlimited worth that nobody and nothing can take away, diminish or tarnish.
And: there might be situations and times when you do not feel worthy. You might go through a very real (and very painful) experience of lacking worth, feeling undeserving, unlovable, and broken.
This can happen. It is normal, human, and needs to be fully honored.
Those are the moments when pain, trauma, abuse, shadows, and other wounded parts of your psyche conceal the original inherent worth, and stand between you and your truth. You experience a disconnection from self-worth, which is so easy to interpret as lack thereof.
Lack of self-worth is not real!
Please know this: Experiencing lack of self-worth is not real lack of self-worth, because your real worth is always there, unbreakable.
Your feelings of lack, and the pain of being unable to recognize your worth and truly feel it, can be healed. That is your real self-development work, right there.
It is vitally important to stay loyal to the truth that your worth is unconditional and unbreakable. It is crucial to move away from trying to create self-worth as a construct – and instead focus on removing whatever it is that is standing between your worth and your ability to fully feel it.
This work is the journey of shedding layer after layer of wounding and false perception. It is the path of healing all the parts that do not feel worthy, all the parts that are hurting. It is the process of bringing light to where you need it is the most. This light is found in your willingness to forgive and love. And it is this light that will eventually illuminate the one and only truth: that you have been worthy all along.
Creative Consciousness trainings are here to equip you with the tools you need on this journey.